Graduations, weddings, new jobs, new homes, promotions...
even the most positive transitions in life involve some degree of stress.
Entering the new year -- and keeping the resolutions that go along with it --
brings the impact of transitions in our lives to the forefront. It creates
different time pressures... changes relationships with people in our lives...
and forces us to view ourselves in a whole different light. Even the balance
of time, schedules or power in our households may change. All these changes
impact not only our emotions, but also our health. How can we manage
transitions in the most healthful way?
To learn about coping with transitions, I spoke with
Joe DiMaggio, MD, senior program leader and co-chair of the research and
design team for Landmark Education, an international training and
development company based in San Francisco. Dr. DiMaggio specializes
in communication and effectiveness, and coaches people in how to remain
effective during times of change, reaction and uncertainty.
EVERYONE CHANGES
Today, people have longer life spans and a broader
range of choices than at any other time in history. The average American
now has as many as four to five careers, says Dr. DiMaggio, and
frequently moves from place to place geographically as well as
professionally. This is distinct from past generations.
According to Dr. DiMaggio, all these transitions
play out at a number of levels, from physical to psychological.
After all, he reminds us, we are mind-body creatures. On the physical
side, when you make a new commitment, such as starting a new job,
you may be exhausted with the challenge of a longer commute to work,
shifted work hours or meeting unfamiliar demands. This may lead to
such symptoms as headaches or stomachaches.
Psychologically, a transition may cause you to
experience a temporary loss of identity. Perhaps you used to be an A
student, and now you are just one of millions of job seekers.
You may have been a successful business executive and now find
yourself in a retirement community in Florida... or a housewife,
returning to the workforce.
All these transitions -- whether unexpected or
happily anticipated -- require some adjustment and may at first appear
overwhelming. They are exciting on the one hand, notes Dr. DiMaggio,
but there are also new challenges and concerns as you actively seek
to redefine yourself and your new identity. You must adapt and
redesign your new environment so that it accommodates
you, says Dr. DiMaggio.
LOOK FORWARD, NOT BACKWARD
Traditional stress-management strategies --
such as exercising, getting plenty of rest, eating a healthy diet
and keeping your sense of humor -- can help you keep stress at bay.
Never underestimate the value of social support. Talk to your close
friends and family members about what's going on, and when necessary,
seek professional counseling.
However, the key to mastering the impact of your
transition is to look forward -- and not backward. In Landmark Forum
seminars, says Dr. DiMaggio, we warn people that in moving toward a
new stage in life, looking backward can drain you. It allows doubt to
creep in. You begin to second-guess yourself and wonder if you made
the right decision. These comparisons and misgivings
can exact a severe toll.
CHOOSE
Dr. DiMaggio recommends that after you deeply
analyze a situation -- the pros, the cons, the impacts, etc. --
and make a conscious choice to make a transition (in a divorce
you may not have a choice... in the case of a new job, you
probably do), move forward completely and resolutely. His advice:
Head down the path fully without looking back. Repeat to yourself:
I'm the one choosing to move this way. What works is to keep
returning yourself to your choice to move forward and to give
up dwelling on any stories about what should have been.
Choosing to move forward is a commitment one
makes -- a stand, if you will -- observes Dr. DiMaggio. He
advises you to get rid of all the "woulda-coulda-shouldas."
Even when the transition is not fundamentally your choice --
for example, if your department is closed down and your
job is outsourced -- make an effort to look at the situation
from a forward-looking view. Perhaps you were thinking about
changing jobs anyway, and this will give you the push you
need to re-enter the market and get a more meaningful
or lucrative position.
The bottom line? Transitions are stressful,
but it is your choice to frame and address them in a positive
or a negative way. In the long run, says Dr. DiMaggio, your
best bet is to focus on the opportunities for the future.
Don't waste your time pondering the problems you faced in
the past or are likely to face again as time goes by. Instead,
take the time to create a promising, productive and rewarding
future from the many opportunities that life offers you.
Sources...
Joe DiMaggio, MD, senior program leader
and co-chair of the research and design team for Landmark
Education, an international training and development
company, San Francisco.
